Strips
Tall Tank Tales
Lyle's Tobacco Farm
The gunfire was relentless. Booga lay flat in a ditch as dirt clods pummeled him from the incoming fire-power. He wasn’t afraid, but he knew damn well today was not a good day for dying. And he had no intention of dying on this fine day.
Just moments earlier he was off to find some berries to accompany the hot dogs he was grilling for breakfast. Not the perfect meal, but everyone likes berries, right? Ok, not everyone.
"Are you quite done, my dear?" Booga called out.
The gun fire ceased.
"Do you now recall that I don’t like red berries?" she returned in a gruff tone.
"It’s coming back to me. Yes, I do remember your preference... Say, would you mind checking the grill? Don’t want the hot dogs to burn", he called from the ditch.
"One second", she replied, lifting the cover from the grill.
Booga poked his head up and saw his beloved inspecting breakfast and he noted her gun was no longer pointing his direction. Slowly rising he decided the berry incident was over and he might return safely to their camp.
As he approached, Tanky looked over at him with a grin.
"Soups on", she called.
"So, no red berries", he confirmed.
"That would be preferable"
He made a mental note of this as it may very well save his life some morning. He often thought Tanky was a nut, but he was strangely attracted to that side of her. She was bold and tough as nails, but also had a soft vulnerable side. This was something that she guarded well. It was behind a vast impenetrable wall of fear and denial. Booga had seen past this wall and was in love with the woman he knew she really was. She would kill for him. In fact she had... on several occasions. Unlike today where she was shooting at him. All in jest he reassured himself. He thought she looked beautiful in the morning sun.
She did.
They ate their hot dogs in that soothing morning sun. Booga ate a few of the red berries - thinking they were quite tasty despite his girlfriend’s neuroses. It was the dawn of a new day and a new adventure would ensue. Adventures always did - at least for these two.
"Where are we exactly?" Tanky asked as she unrolled their map.
"Paradise... the lap of luxury...", he cooed.
Crack!
"OW! You bitch!" he yelled, "What was that for? You shoot at me! You punch me!"
Booga, being somewhat fed up with her short temper, shoved her good and hard sending her sailing past the grill onto her butt. Moments later they were having sex - an energetic post-breakfast romp in the dirt.
After gathering themselves together, as best one can in the dusty Outback, they packed up camp and headed off in the tank in search of the day’s event. An event that was totally unknown until they stumbled upon it. And stumble they did - often.
Racing along at top speed, music blaring, is not the best way to pilot a tank. But these two usually take a different approach to most things. Suddenly Tanky saw a large object directly in their path. Fighting the controls, she managed to bring the tank to a halt. Booga and Tanky popped the top hatch on the tank and rose up, weapons drawn. Yes, Booga still had his stupid knife.
In their path was a large International Harvester tractor complete with terrified farmer at the helm. He had the expression of most people who narrowly overt being run down by a large M5A1 Stewart tank. Similarly, the farmer seemed somewhat stunned to be looking down the barrel of the tank’s 105mm cannon. Booga and Tanky realized he posed little threat and inquired of his actions.
"What the fuck!" she squawked in a loud tone.
"Sir", Booga interjected, to the farmer, "What seems to bring you into our path today?"
The farmer sat paralyzed with fear.
Tanky cocked her pistol and upped the ante.
"We don’t want to kill you... yet", she offered.
"What’s your name?" Booga asked.
"Lyle", replied the farmer.
Tank Girl and Booga paused and looked at one another as though they had deep thoughts about the farmer’s name. Looking about they realized they were in the middle of a large field - a crop of some sort.
"Have we ever met a Lyle before", Booga asked.
"Nah, but maybe we could use a Lyle. Nice tractor", Tanky purred.
"Possibly. What are you growing here, Lyle?"
"Tobacco", he replied as calmly as he could.
"Tobacco! CIGARETTES!!!" they cried with childlike glee.
Continued...