Strips
Tall Tank Tales
Cassandra’s Dream
The sound was piercing and the flames and smoke terrified Cassandra. She had been in a pleasant slumber just minutes before the loud crash had awakened her. The supply shed burned first. It contained many flammable items. Soon the barn would catch the flames and fall. Cassandra was watching this scene from her bedroom window. She was twenty-three and certainly old enough to comprehend the scenario, but ifs always scarier to watch your own farm burn as opposed to someone else’s.
She didn’t know much about farming. In fact she had only recently inherited the farm from her uncle. She did know that fires are bad and even worse when they are engulfing your farm. A few local folks showed up and Cassandra greeted them by the house. Everyone assured her that the fire would not harm the house. The shed and barn were across a small divide that would easily act as a firewall. Cassie was somewhat relieved, but thought that the fire department should really do something about this.
Unfortunately, some fires just have to burn themselves out. The fire department tried to reassure her, but she really thought some water would come in handy. Again she knew little of fires and their desire to consume. The fire chief told her that the shed was gone, but they might be able to prevent the barn from catching fire. MeanwhileÉ
"Do you smell that," Tank Girl asked.
"Sorry, must have been the dinner," replied Booga.
"Not that!" she smirked, "Something’s burning"
"I don’t smell anything, but it is kinda hot in here."
I’m gonna take a look through the scope. Something’s up"
She flipped the release on the tank’s periscope and pressed her face against the eyepiece. Booga always loved that because it was set sort of low and made her bend over to use it. He liked her behind - especially when crouched over in their tank.
"Good Christ!" she muttered, "I’ve discovered what’s burning."
"What is it?"
"Us."
"What!!" Booga cried in a sleep-deprived stupor.
"All I see are flames all around us"
They looked at each other and Booga asked calmly with a quizzical look, "Where are we?"
"Not sure. Why?"
"What’s the last thing you remember doing?"
"Driving," she replied.
"Uh oh", they said in unison.
Our drunken twosome had seemingly fallen asleep at the wheel - not that tanks have steering wheels, but you get the point - and crashed into something that was now burning around them. They both knew that tanks were fireproof and very well insulated - for the most part. What they didn’t know was; for how long?
"We’d better get a move on," Tanky said sleepily.
"Yep," Booga agreed and fired up the Tank’s engine.
The fire department was approaching the barn with the hopes of saving it from the flames that had destroyed the shed. Through the crackle of the fire no one knew that two morons and a tank were the cause of the fire or much less that they were inside the burning shed trying to shake off a couple of bad hangovers.
And then the shed began to move...
"What are weÉ stuck on something?" Tanky yelled.
"Feels like we’re hung up on something big," he called back, "Give it more power, Honey!"
She loved it when he called her Ôhoney'. It sounded so nice. She gunned the engine and slowly they broke free of the unknown object that was holding them back - Cassandra’s burning shed.
The cigar fell from the fire chief’s mouth.
"What the fuck?!?" he murmured under his breath.
The burning shed, atop the tank, began to move toward the barn with alarming speed. Not the fire, mind you - the whole burning mess. The few gathering locals were stunned. Most fires travel, but not quite like this. The shed was traversing Cassie’s back lot and heading toward the barn at an alarming speed.
Just as the two buildings collided Tanky and Booga finally broke free from the burning shed and crashed it and the tank through the wall of the barn. They brought the tank to a halt. Everything was clear in the periscope, so they popped the hatch for an exterior inspection of the damage. Upon leaving the tank they were still rather miffed about the entire episode and rather foggy on the details leading up to their present situation. They did notice that they were inside a barn, it was on fire and they could hear voices.
They casually peered out the side door of the barn. The fire department was racing about wildly spraying water all over. They also saw a house across the way - Cassandra’s house. Immediately they knew what had to be done.
"There may be beer and cigarettes in that house," Booga posed.
"Read my mind, Baby. Lets go!"
They snuck across the lot in the shadows of the various structures they had crashed into and set afire. All attention was drawn to the enduing tragedy. Breaking into the house was simple. While Booga smashed in a side window with a garbage can, Tanky opened the screen door and walked inside. They met in the kitchen; Booga somewhat covered in broken glass. They looked at each other by the glow of the light inside the refrigerator. Two cases of beer. Score!
A quick perusal of the kitchen drawers revealed that Cassie was a smoker - Score one carton of Marlboro. Not their preferred brand, but you can’t be too choosy when breaking and entering in the post-apocalyptic era. They loaded the beer and cigarettes aboard the tank, but felt the needed a bit more rest.
While the fire department battled the flames, Tanky and Booga took four cans of beer and a pack of smokes and settled in on the rear porch of Cassandra’s home. One of the few places not engulfed in flames. They sipped their stolen brews, smoked a few cigarettes and mused about the day’s turn of events. Cassie’s outdoor chairs were not too comfortable, so they didn’t stay long. Besides, they had a long journey ahead.
They pitched their final cigarette butts and snuck back into the burning barn and aboard the tank. As they broke out through the back wall of the barn not a sole saw the metal tank traipsing across the countryside. As an afterthought, Tank Girl, Booga and Cassandra all realized something - the house was not safe from the fire. Tanky’s cigarette butt ignited the rear porch and the house soon succumbed to the same fiery demise as the shed and the barn.
At least they rescued the beer and cigarettes...